Barbie the Bitch

I am fucking pissed! The reason being the evident rise of Barbie's role in influencing the tests. Whether with the bat or ball Barbie just doesn't seem to get it wrong and this has only led to my frustration reaching a new high! The second test is only half way and this bitch has contributed big time, both with the bat as well as the ball. Scored 64 in the first innings off just 66 inspiring even someone like Graeme Swann to bat as both of them took England from 124/8 to 221.
Then coming again to take a fifer which included a hat-trick. My day couldn't have gone worse..Ofcourse his hat-trick was not genuine as it included a wrong lbw decision. But since the person involved is none other than Harbhajan Singh i don't feel like wasting my time debating
So, to sum it up:

1. Stuart Broad hits 64(66) in first inns : BAD
2. Then Barbie doll takes a hat-trick, the first against India,ever : WORSE
3. In his 5 wicket haul, virtually no run scored as India go on from 266/4 to 288 all out. WORST!!!

shit! not you again..no-ones calling you, moron!

Here he is:

Stuart Broad. Cute huh? lol.

Mr. I am Royalty

watching the India vs England test at lords, my ears were open. Doing the commentary was none other than Sourav ganguly along with Alan Wilkins. Whenever i listen to him speak, i wait, anticipating him to lose it and throw a volley of abuses at shahrukh khan ( he just sucks doesn't he? that bitch!) but alas i am kept waiting hopelessly for eternity..
                        But wait thats not why am writing this post. This one is about...have you seen the title? then you must know its about Mr I am Royalty AKA Mr Kevin Pietersen.

So the other day Mr Royalty comes out to bat, Wilkins starts about Pietersen's diminishing form in the odi's.Ganguly himself a victim of similar abuses, steps up to him:

Ganguly: why is that people are so much after Kevin Pietersen?

Wilkins: (amused). I think it because of the lifestyle of his. He lives in a penthouse,he has these swanky cars, he is friends with Frank Lampard.

Ganguly(in his mind): Frank Lampard huh? mmm.. must be someone important.

Wilkins: I think people of England love to hate him!

Something Wilkins didn't count was the vast majority of people who don't give a fuck about it!!
                             

Some random guy on yahoo: What is Kevin Pietersen's address?

Possibly the best answer by another random:

"666 skunkhead view

sloggerville

traitorshire

south-africa."

                       

oooh! now that was something! this guy sure knows how to express his love. If Pietersen ever reads the above post, i mean ever...he is going to be sobbing bad. really bad!

wait...kevin? you read it? please don't cry...ple..kevin....Damn!

The next post is heavy. It's gonna be about Shane 'OX' Watson. He is good. He is arrogant. He is an allrounder! People hate him. He doesn't give a fuck. And i am not gay.
It is debatable whether he is as good as/better than 'Freddie'.
                                               If team Australia is a man, HE IS THE DICK!!
But then isn't a dick a really very important asset?
here he is...

oopsie...sorry to the audience for having to see this totally pirated copy. This is Luke Wright from England, the man who gets nothing right.
okay, so here's the original one

wtf am i doing on this page

tats the OX for you!!

This is sad. England have won the first test against India at lords by a whooping 196 runs. This is terrible. I am off to sleep. I think i am gonna get a nightmare of Stuart Broad dancing naked in the shower singing 'am a Barbie girl'. Ok wait..i think i'll stay up.

Harbhajan singh, go to hell. He's out bowled Anderson, caught by Tremlett.So what about the wrong lbw decision? Don't complain. Even barbie got one. In the back of my my mind i feel it slipping away. Praveen Kumar can bat, but i won't count on it. The people to come up next are an injured Zaheer and Ishant Sharma who can't bat for scat..;boy, not pretty.  C'mon raina, as i type he just hit a four off Barbie.India 247/7. About 30 overs remain. Go raina!

day 5, India vs England at lords
Hell!! Dhoni's gone..Tremlett's got him. Raina's got a chance to be a real hero here. Harbhajan you are gonna have to play side-kick. India 236/6.

day 5, India vs England at lords
one word for team India's current situation on the final day of test:'Bleak'.
Chasing 458 was always going to be tough. It was never about winning. All India could do was survive.

• Yes the pommie bowling is good and they know their conditions well.
• Yes Gambhir and Sachin were well below their 100%

Tea time. All is not lost. India are 218/5. Raina (54 no.) and Dhoni (16 no.) on the crease.In a similar situation Dhoni had hung on for a draw against the poms and that too with somebody like Sreesaanth. Hope he can pull it off once again. Raina seems to have taken my advice (he reads my blog i knew it ) and has mend his ways. He will play a major part here. Just don't leave it for the tail, please..
A word of advice to Indian players "don't drink tea provided by any Englishman. There is a high possibility of it containing laxatives. Avoid it at all costs."
Random Scheming Englishman, i am onto you.
A special mention to Sachin Tendulkar. lbw james anderson 12(68). These figures might not be among the best, but credit to him because he tried. Facing the poms on the field while being unwell is definitely worth a mention. Sachin, respect.

day 4, India vs England at lords.
Prior has hit an unbeaten 103 (120) while Barbie was unbeaten on74 (90) as the poms declared at 261/6. India now need to chase 458. Gambhir was hit on his hand and won't open, Sachin's health will make sure he wont play higher than no:7 and about 120 overs to bat. England clearly having the upper hand. Hope Barbie is exhausted from all that batting. To see him get too many wickets this innings will really piss me off. Earlier Mr"I am Royalty" hit an unbeaten 202 to take England to a massive score of 474/8. Respect.
Why is it that when Zaheer is not there in the team, team India is literally taken for a run bashing!? India in reply were 286 all out with Dravid finally hitting a ton at lords. He scored 103 no.
Dhoni is going to be suspended for the next test on account of slow over rate.
As for Suresh Raina,he seems distracted. Got out for a duck in the first test, regarded as the best fielder by none other than Ab de villiers, he was scratchy and even did a 4 overthrow. Reason? here it is.

choosing lust over cricket

yes, Suresh Raina has been seeking companionship. Taking advantage of the situation is the 'villain', and he is none other than Virat kohli. After a not so good test series in West Indies, Virat has been working hard. However that alone not being enough Virat is wooing Raina to distract him from his game and sneak into the team once again. The result was evident. Raina who hit a ton against Somerset, failed to score even a run against England. Wasn't all good with bowling and less than average in the field.
Get over Virat, Suresh Raina, for your own good! plenty of fish in the sea!
Virat kohli, i am onto you!

watching day 4 of India vs England test at lords. Disappointed. England were 107/6 at one stage. I seriously thought the tail would wrap up quick and we would be in a very good position. Alas, it was not to be. The Prior-Broad partnership has now become very irritating and looks like Prior is on his way to score a ton in a very quick time that too. Looking at the Pommies and wondering even their bowlers can bat. Dhoni seems to be very excited about bowling because if he had been active enough, Stuart 'Barbie-doll' Broad would have been in the pavilion a long time ago (he didnt even attempt to catch a nick of Barbie's bat).Barbie even survived a lbw appeal and has gone on to hit a half century. Forget a win team India, its all about survival now!

All those who want to know what's happening in India's practice test vs Somerset, here's a quick look

• Somerset 425/3 dec. 1st inn & 200/2 (33 overs) so far.
• India 224. Suresh Raina 103*(112)
• Dhoni is not playing
• Strauss is playing
• Zaheer gets to play mind games on Strauss. Strauss replies by hitting 50+ scores in both inns. Zaheer will get him in the "REAL" game and have the last laugh.
• Some PD Trego has had it and is batting on 61 frm 34 balls. Yes! just 34 balls.
• Murali kartik plays for Somerset. (does he actually get to play? and yes he is not playing this one)
• I don't care if Somerset win. They just need an Indian to go upto them and say "wait you won? was this even a match? we thought of it as net practice.") 

Operation Anti-Choker

Movie Poster

The South African team have begun work on the project 'Anti-Choker'. They will be led by Captain Ab de Villiers and guided by ex-veteran Gary Kirsten (in odi's and t20's).Together (along with the other team members) they will fight to destroy the 'chokers' tag which has plagued Team Proteas since time immemorial. Will they succeed? or will they end up,just like their predecessors..
This has all the makings of one helluva Blockbuster. let's wait and see...

Team India are playing a practice match against Somerset prior to the test series against the poms. And guess what? Somerset 329/2 in 75 overs. And the wicket takers? Amit Mishra and Suresh Raina!!
The last statement doesn't sound too good eh?

     It's been a pretty boring time in cricket post the world cup and ipl. Yes, there was a tri-series in Zimbabwe which was played by the second teams ( 'a' sides ) of Australia, South Africa and Zimbabwe. As one could expect Aussies and the Proteas made it to the final and the Aussies emerged victorious. Some respite for the Aussies who have been everybody's punching bags because of their downfall lately.
     India played West Indies and even the worst numerologist could have forecasted the result. Ofcourse, this meant trying out new players. Ishant Sharma was great,Abhinav Mukund was decent and Virat Kohli surprisingly was not half as good as he is in ODI's. Having said that,they now play the 'poms' in 'pommieland' and everyone's curious to see whether India can retain their dominance.
BAD NEWS: Sehwag to miss first test against the poms.
The above news maybe reason for worry,but we've got some senior experienced players coming back into the side and hopefully it should suffice.
WATCH OUT! PLENTY OF SHORT BALLS AHEAD!

Harbhajan Singh is the 3rd Indian and the 11th cricketer to take 400 wickets in test cricket. 6 more wickets and he will enter the top ten sending Curtly Ambrose out of the list who is currently at no.10 with 405 wickets. The other two Indians already in this list are Anil Kumble and Kapil Dev with 619 and 434 wickets respectively. Now i am no big fan of his and have no idea why i am writing this post. Maybe because statistics look good on a blog!!

The easiest question ever.
Q.What excites Ab de Villiers?
Ans. 'Anything.'
That's right people. Ab literally gets excited by just about anything on planet Earth. He is one of those people who are able to find happiness in even the smallest of things no matter how irrelevant or the worst of situations.
On his website he says that hes very excited to lead team South Africa. And i am not surprised! for someone getting excited at an early morning breakfast, imagine the excitement of leading your country's national cricket team. Anxious to see how he fares! wait i just came across this tweet by Ab:

" Watched season 4 of Dexter.Love that t.v series!!! blah blah..Great way to relax before a big test series."

 Did u hear that? Ab de Villiers likes Dexter! This is some fucking news!! he likes Dexter. I love Dexter and couldn't possibly imagine someone like Ab liking it! I even ignored the big test series comment (it was against West Indies,duh!)
Ab, you are cool!

Here are a couple of bowlers i absolutely wish i could see more of

1. Nathan Bracken: watching this guy bowl was good fun. Just wish he was out there a bit longer.                                                                                                                                                          



kick-ass bowler

2. Liam Plunkett: i watched him in just one match versus the Aussies. I think Commonwealth Series 2nd final, and he was fabulous. He swung the ball very well  and with figures 3-43 made sure England defended an average score of 246.                                                                                                                          

And there's a player by the name of Graeme Swann.

look at me! I am Mr.Sarcasm. You, you don't think so? well you suck!

 Seriously, anyone reading his twitter updates will realise that this guy is disillusioned! He is also the 'so called' lead of a 'so called' band by the name 'Dr Comfort and the Lurid Revelations'. What kind of a band name is that? What is he? An alien??/
Although a couple of his tweets were decent though.
this one during the World Cup:

"I'd say that the fifteen spare bat grips provided to me for the world cup is the very definition of misguided optimism."

and this one before their flight to Perth:

         "Are passports still absolutely required to travel overseas." "If so then today may be one of frantic searching."

and then re-emerging to make sure he stayed true to the 'stupid' tag by tweeting the following:

                   " My passport turned up in my 'safe' place, down the back of my kitchen bin."

But still the first couple of tweets do display a hint of sanity in this guy. This guy can still be saved! Someone just needs to tell him that there's a fine line between sarcasm and stupidity because he seems to be tripping over the latter in his attempts to reach the former!

Zombies in World Cricket!

Okay lets take a look at a couple of cricketers strongly resembling 'Zombies" i.e  the undead creatures from the afterworld. Ofcourse this is just an intro, with time i'll add more specimens ( lol ). Here the are:

1. Anthony Martin (in-case you do not know he plays for West Indies)                                               
   

   

   Brrainsss! i am not worried as long as Yusuf has the bat!

   
   

    In case you don't believe me, just watch him live once and u'll understand!
2. Cameron White                                                                                                                                                               

   

   boo!

                                                                    

And for those of you wondering why Jacques Kallis was not included in this list, well that's because i recently saw him smiling in one of the ads with srk.